How to Motivate Your Partner to Work Out With You

As a couple who has been working out together successfully for over a decade, we’re huge advocates for couple workouts.

Working out together can be, what’s the word… complicated. We’ll share our own experience working through challenges and what we’ve learned helping clients motivate their partner to exercise with them. 

That’s right. Many, many, people have this question. “How do I get my partner to work out with me?” Or, “How do I bring them into my healthy lifestyle.”

In this article, we’ll share our best advice and help you overcome the challenges that commonly derail a couple’s success.

Our best advice to Get your Partner to Work OUt With You

“How do I get my significant other to work out with me?”

As fitness coaches since 2013, we’ve heard this question hundreds of times. Naturally, it’s a loaded question with infinite, unique answers.

If you search online, there are scientific studies on the benefits of working out as a couple, but it’s mostly advice from couples sharing their successes and failures.

You’ll come up with dozens of responses from open communication to mutual health goals to persistence. While we agree with all of these, there is one secret to success that people never consider doing because it’s not intuitive.

It’s hands down been the most effective way for our clients to get their partner on the fitness bandwagon.

If you’re reading this article, chances are you are doing well with your fitness and have been trying to get your partner to join you for months, if not years.

Well, you might not like our advice, but if you are serious (and you should be) about motivating your partner to work out with you, you must do this: become the leader by taking a step back to your partner’s fitness level.

Take a Step Back and Become the Leader

Since you found this article, it’s clear that being more active with your partner is a priority. And this might not be the first time you have done your research.

Chances are, you have been doing everything right. You’re leading by example to show your partner how much you value exercise and healthy living.

Instead of nagging your spouse about getting off the couch, you’re empowering them to help you stay on track via post-dinner walks. Maybe you have even had a difficult conversation with them about how you want to be healthier together.

It’s the nature of the beast to have two different skill levels for health and fitness among two people. While this imbalance can cause stress, jealousy, or overwhelm, it is also your opportunity to better connect with each other to build a healthier foundation.

The truth is, it’s not an opportunity for your partner to be motivated by you and leap into action. That seldom works. Instead, you, the more active partner, need to take on a leadership role.

What It Means to ‘Become the Leader’ 

Now, you might reply, “I am the leader. I already eat well and work out almost every day of the week! I lead by example.”

That’s true.

However, be honest with yourself. That is something you likely do for yourself, regardless of whether or not your significant other joins in. Therefore, you’re not truly being the leader. And, if leading by example hasn’t worked for you yet, it’s more likely that you’re the problem.

Being the leader means closing the gap between you and your partner’s fitness levels. You must start where they are. Yes, if they’re on Chapter 2 of their fitness journey and you’re on Chapter 26, you need to go backwards to get on the same page.

We told you this wasn’t intuitive. This compromise shows your commitment to the health of the duo. It shows that you’re a team, and you’re in it to win it together.

Imagine how intimidating it is for your spouse when they see how fit you are. Meet them where they are to make their journey feel more manageable.

You might have dreams of being in a physique competition or qualifying for an elite obstacle race, but what’s more important? Those individual goals or the combined health goals of you and the most important person in your life?

Don’t think of going backward as a negative. Being aligned in your health and fitness for the long term creates a major life upgrade. Being physically fit as a couple opens the floodgates to more adventure, spontaneity, happiness, and crushing shared goals together in the future.

We promise, leading your partner and accomplishing new goals together will be far more rewarding than tackling Chapter 27 alone.

Examples and Duo Lifer Success Stories

Maybe your spouse loves biking but you decline bike rides because you don’t enjoy it as much. Or, you’re thinking of past activities that your partner loved. Could you reignite their passion for hiking?

These are all great questions. To help you plan how you will take this first leadership step, here are real-life examples from our coaching practice.

1. She steps back to bike with him

Ann was motivated with her workouts and wanted her partner to be as well. Therefore, she went to the gym, consistently asked her partner, Aaron, to join, and prepared healthy meals. After 2 years, she progressed, but Aaron was still a couch potato.

She became the leader by stepping back from her workout program, to join his favorite activity, biking. After a few days of riding their bikes together after work, Aaron became curious about her workouts and was more willing to join.

So, they started with a beginner, at-home yoga program together and have been advancing their journey together ever since. Bit by bit.

2. He starts a dancing workout with her

Doug was a traveling salesman and a natural athlete, always finding it easy to work out and play on multiple sports teams. His spouse, Regina, who was less athletic and worked from home, wanted to get in shape but was highly intimidated by Doug’s fitness level.

After years of positivity and encouragement, nothing seemed to work. Doug decided to become the leader by committing to a workout program of his spouse’s choosing: a cardio dance program.

He didn’t love the workouts, but he loved that it made them more active than they had been in years.

3. He bought a home gym and they discovered lifting

Jim was always fit and could eat anything as long as he did his cardio. His significant other, Sarah, worked out consistently, but her body wasn’t as forgiving with junk food. Josh saw her frustration and decided to become the leader.

He cleaned out the cupboard, prepared healthier meals, and bought some dumbbells for their new home gym. After following a lifting program together for a few months, Jim and Sarah both realized that they enjoyed lifting weights.

She lost inches, and he gained muscle, which motivated them to continue eating and cooking clean.

More Tips for Getting your Partner to Work Out With You

Taking the leadership role and closing the fitness level gap in your relationship is by far the most proven method to get your partner to work out with you.

Of course, now we’ll share other tips and recommendations to nudge and motivate your partner to start working out with you. There will almost always be some sort of fitness imbalance when you start working out together. These imbalances can create stress or make one feel self-conscious.

When you honor and respect your significant other, you’ll know how to navigate this challenge with tact and grace. Therefore, we don’t need to remind you not to nag or insult your partner.

Instead, the below points will help you motivate and empower them. You know them best, everything from their excuses, dreams, motivations, and competitive tendencies to when to play the good cop versus the bad cop.

You are the best person to help them start exercising. These are the most constructive tips to help you get your partner to work out with you.

1. Have Regular, Open Communication

Have a two-sided conversation about the health goals of the family. Use the word “what” and “how” to discuss your continuous improvement plan and set small, achievable goals.

The word “why” leads to defensiveness if you’re talking about your progress retrospectively. Only use the word “why” when discussing your motivation.

Every couple should be tracking their daily habits. This activity provides the accountability and awareness needed to succeed. Use our printable habit tracker, and it will give you an excuse to have these conversations periodically.

Have these conversations in an honest but loving way. If there is something really bothering you, make sure you talk about it. As long as they know that you are confronting them because you love them, they will be more open to change.

2. Find a Strong Motivation

Extrinsic motivation is based on ego or external benefits, such as, “I want to get a six-pack for the cruise.” Instead of bringing happiness and contentment, extrinsic motivation leads to frustration, disappointment, and failure.

This is an example of a weak motivation, and in the off chance that you achieve your goal, what happens next? You have to book another cruise or find a new motivation. It’s not sustainable.

Intrinsic motivation is levels deeper, and it’s harder to find than external motivators. Once you find this strong motivation as a couple, you’ll be unstoppable. They are usually linked to family, confidence levels, and your passions.

To find a shared motivation in your relationship, be specific, talk about intrinsic motivations, and find your “why” to live a healthy life together. Have these conversations often but always keep them positive.

In addition to strong motivation, pick a shared goal to work towards. If your partner has a strong preference to hike the local mountain in one month’s time, schedule it in even if you dislike hiking. Use our goal setting worksheet to plan for, track, and reach your shared goal.

3. Start With Fitness Only

Nutrition is indeed 80% of the battle, but starting out, only focus on working out as a couple. Fitness is the foundation of your healthy lifestyle together, working out is step one of a domino effect.

Once you start working out as a couple, making baby steps to improve your nutrition, sleep, and stress management will come naturally. Make sure that you start with a workout program of their choosing.

The workout should meet their fitness level so that they are more encouraged by their performance. Also, restrain yourself from taking the role of a personal trainer, unless they invite feedback.

As a couple, focus on fitness together. But, since you’re the leader, feel free to read about how we manage our diets as a couple. 

4. Keep Leading by Example

Actions speak louder than words. While your partner is opening up to the idea of working out together, keep showing up for your workouts.

Think of leading by example as an opportunity to show your spouse how much you value your physical and mental health. Do your best to send positive verbal and non-verbal hints about how much exercise is improving the way you feel.

Consistently visiting the gym shows your partner that working out is important. However, it’s better if they can see you sweating and hear you panting during an at-home workout. Making healthier food choices is great, but don’t deprive your partner of any foods they love (yet).

5. Remember to Have Fun and Celebrate Often

An activity that feels less like exercise, like biking, hiking, or frisbee golf is a great way to start. Also, when you’re first starting out, let your partner pick the workout playlist.

Then, make sure there are a lot of high-fives, “accidental” booty pats, and some more genuine and serious words of encouragement. For the most fun (and challenging) partner workout in existence, try out our Couples Workout Routine. 

If they are competitive, a subtle way of shedding light on their physical fitness level would be to take our Fitness Test. Better yet, take it monthly to track progress.

When you start reaching milestones, treat yo’ self. A milestone could be as small as completing your first three workouts together, or as big as completing your first 10K.

A celebration creates a positive association with your hard work, and it makes you more excited about tackling your next goals. 

If there is something your partner would be really psyched about, like front-row seats to an NHL game or the latest Apple Watch, you can incentivize your next milestone.

6. Compromise is a Good Thing

When you commit to working out as a couple, you’re a team. Both people need to be open to new workouts that benefit both without pushing one person over the edge.

Over time, you will realize that this is a positive. You and your partner will learn to love new exercise techniques together, and you will remain outside of your comfort zone.

In our relationship, compromises lead to our greatest individual victories—Alex’s weightlifting weight loss transformation and Ryan’s first marathon. 

7. A Healthy Lifestyle Takes a Lifetime

Focus on long term.

Years. It takes years. Not even one year. At least two years. Be patient, trust, and enjoy the process. We have clients who only started working out with their partners successfully after 2-3 years of work.

Remember, your results will vary. This is completely normal, so don’t get in the habit of comparing your results to your partner’s. This recommendation is mostly for women. Men’s bodies react differently, and they tend to drop the pounds more quickly.

8. Always Document Your Progress

How can you see results if you aren’t tracking progress? Results are the best motivation, but you won’t see any improvements if you don’t track them. Before and throughout, take each other’s photos from all angles.

Also, write down your measurements in inches and weight and keep them in a safe place. Getting a before weight is a good idea, but it’s not the best metric. You need to be taking pictures and measurements.

To keep this simple, use this Body Measurement Chart for tracking process.

Closing Remarks on Roping your Partner into Exercising With you

We hope these tips have given you more ideas to motivate your partner to work out with you. Really, it’s worth all this effort. Implement what you learned here and feel free to reach out in the comments if you have questions, ideas, or a story to share. 

Lastly, Doctor Gottman, a leading couple’s psychologist found that 75% of conflicts within a relationship are never resolved.

You’re doing the right thing by nudging your partner into a healthy lifestyle, but you might need to accept that he is just not interested in exercise.

It’s not the end of the world, and instead of being angry with him, just continue to love and accept him. Do what you can to stay active together in ways that don’t feel like exercise. Try to get creative, like selling the riding mower for a push mower, or buying a dog that needs a lot of exercise.

Make sure that you have been direct with him. Let him know you are working hard to get in shape because you believe your body is a reflection of who you are as a person. You value your health, and you value his as well.

Continue doing what you’re doing, and let’s hope he joins you in the years to come.

For more partner workout ideas, check out our partner core exercises, the one and only couples pregnancy workout routine, or download our cheatsheet with the best couples yoga poses to practice together.

For all of our helpful resources for couples who want to engineer their healthiest, happiest life together, head over to our Relationship page.

Written by Alex Davis
CEO and Co-Founder at Ryan and Alex Duo Life