Premarital Questions

You can view marriage preparation’s premarital questions in a few ways: as a mandatory chore, a necessary evil, or an opportunity to improve your future marriage.

When we think back to our marriage prep in 2017, we went into it as a requirement by our church. However, we were impressed by the range and depth of the premarital counseling questions and realized that not only did we learn new things about each other, but it laid the groundwork for rules that we keep to this day.

Questions like, “How much money can you spend without letting your partner know?” or, “How much money are you willing to invest in infertility treatments?” were eye-opening and would never have otherwise been discussed.

Marriage preparation questionnaires have been proven to lower divorce rates and open communication between couples. While most of the research on the topic has been done by religious organizations, we believe that premarital questions are important for every couple.

These 100+ premarital questions are for everyone in every type of relationship or religion. So while we do our best to keep the premarital interview inclusive, some topics (like fertility) may not apply to you.

Regardless, we hope that these questions will strengthen your relationship and touch upon important topics that are scientifically proven markers of a couple’s health and happiness. Let’s take inventory!

Premarital Counseling Questions

You train for a marathon, why not train for a marriage?

Given that who you select as your spouse is one of the biggest determinants of your health and happiness throughout life, you’d think that more people would want to train and learn strategies on how to have a great marriage.

In recent studies, about 90% of people agree that marriage prep courses and premarital questions for couples are important, yet only about 30% of couples actually take them. The 30% who do are generally pushed by their churches to do so.

That’s what happened to us.

Our Catholic church in Texas had us in about forty hours (yes, forty hours) of marriage prep. Class after class, weekend after weekend, speaker after speaker. It was a bit overkill, but the part that we found the most helpful was the premarital assessment questionnaire.

Here’s our curated list of non-religious, inclusive premarital questions. We’ve also created a free Premarital Counseling Questions PDF, which is available for download through the form below. 

The Best 100+ Premarital Questions For Couples to Ask

Take the time to discuss each question together, and you’ll be well on your way to a more open, successful, and happy marriage. 

If there is a highly beneficial question on our list or one that needs to be added, please let us know in the comments section. Have fun and good luck!

1. What values do we want to instill in our marriage (and future children)?

2. What expectations do we have for our partner after marriage?

3. What things from my childhood or in my parents’ marriage do I want to continue in our marriage?

4. What things from my childhood or in my parents’ marriage do I not want to continue in our marriage?

5. Are we open to having children? Biological or adopted? How many?

6. How much money are we willing to spend on infertility treatments if it comes down to it?

7. How often should we discuss our life plan (a 5-year plan? A 3-year plan?)

8. Are there things or habits about your partner that annoy you?

9. Are you a spender or a saver?

10. How do you want to divide financial planning responsibilities (budgeting, investing, etc.) in the future?

11. How can we each contribute to the family financially that makes the most sense?

12. If one person becomes a stay-at-home parent or is a homemaker, how will the money be controlled and what would the partner’s allowance be?

13. Should we consider a prenuptual agreement?

14. Is there any debt that we need to discuss?

15. Are we fully aware of each other’s financial situation and plan?

16. How much money can I spend on something without disclosing it to my partner? ($500 or less, or some other amount?)

17. Are there any addicting habits you have that you haven’t shared yet?

18. Discuss and share each of your Love Languages

19. Where do you see our family in 5 years? 10 years?

20. How do you feel about my family? Do you have any concerns over meddling in-laws?

21. Where do you want to live in the future? What sort of opportunity would make you want to move cities or countries?

22. Do you think of yourself as a spender or a saver?

23. How do you think we should manage housework and/or childcare in the future?

24. How do you feel is our sexual intimacy currently?

25. How do you feel about cohabitating or living together before marriage?

26. How do you feel about our current lifestyle? Is there anything that you’d like to change?

27. Do you think we see our friends often enough? Both together and separately?

28. How do you feel about each other hanging out with friends of the opposite sex?

29. How many “boys weekends” or “girls trips” do you think we should take? How many is too few or too many?

30. How often do you think we should see family? Both before or after kids?

31. If we ever consider a divorce, how many hours of couple’s therapy or marriage-saving activities do we agree to take before going to a lawyer?

32. What is the best strategy for us to resolve conflict?

33. In what ways can we call each other out if we’re feeling uncomfortably criticized, defensive, or ignored?

34. What hobbies or activities can we do together to strengthen our relationship?

35. To you, what do vacations look like in the future?

36. How should we handle it when one of us is mad at the other?

37. What do you think about having separate hobbies? Separate friend groups?

38. When there’s a problem, either personally or within our relationship, what’s the best way to share and problem solve with each other?

39. Are you open to couple’s therapy, now or in the future?

40. How can we communicate best with each other?

41. What type of information do you want to keep within our relationship and not air to other people?

42. What’s acceptable for me to share with friends and family about our relationship?

43. How do we manage our relationships with extended family?

44. How often do you think we should get intimate or have sex?

45. What’s your ideal frequency of date nights?

46. What’s the perfect date to you? Or what has been your favorite date of ours so far?

47. What boundaries do you want to put in place around sex?

48. Do you feel ready for marriage? What concerns do you have about the wedding day or the marriage?

49. How do we want to manage dual careers, both before and after children?

50. For blended families, how do we want to manage the parents of our kids?

52. For blended families, how do we want to instill our family values?

53. What about my personality do you love most?

54. What do you think are our strengths and weaknesses in communication, or as a couple in general?

55. What were some of the best lessons you learned growing up as a kid?

56. Can you share a moment in your life when you felt like an imposter?

57. To you, what’s the best compliment in the world that you could receive?

58. What are your stances about medical care and vaccinations?

59. What do you love most about our relationship?

60. What goals do we want to achieve, both personally and as a couple?

61. How can we reduce our weekly stress?

62. What do you think we can improve in our relationship?

63. What personality traits do you find most attractive about me?

64. In which areas can you help me improve myself?

65. What’s our stance as a couple on pornography?

66. How do you react under a stressful situation?

67. Where do you find refuge when you are stressed?

68. How do each of your parents or family members feel about your marriage?

69. Do you believe in the statement, “You don’t just marry the individual, you marry into the family.”

70. Have you ever been married before, have had kids from a prior relationship, or wish to disclose anything now?

71. Share what you think is the ideal marriage.

72. What are your thoughts surrounding traditional gender roles within marriage?

73. How will religion play a role in our marriage or in our family?

74. Would you rather vacation in new places every year or return to favorites?

75. What are my communication strengths and weaknesses?

76. Do you agree that “it takes a village” when it comes to intellectual, physical, emotional, and spiritual needs?

77. Share honestly any fears, anxiety, or concerns you have with marriage.

78. What topics do you and your partner disagree on? How will you work through these disagreements after marriage?

79. Is there any area where you struggle to trust your partner?

80. How would you describe your past sexual experiences?

81. Is there an area where you think your partner spends money or time frivolously?

82. What do we usually fight about and when? How can we rephrase the problem of recurring arguments?

83. What form of birth control do you envision using in the future after marriage?

84. What would you do in a situation of an accidental pregnancy?

85. What do you think is your primary responsibility to your spouse?

86. How do you plan to support your spouse throughout marriage?

87. What circumstances would lead you to ask for a divorce?

88. What preventative measures can you take to avoid divorce?

89. How should we divide household chores?

90. At this time, what do you think will be the hardest thing about marriage?

91. What comes first, family or career?

92. What comes first, me or your family?

93. If I have a conflict with someone in your family, how will you handle it?

94. How much alone time seems reasonable to you, both before and after kids?

95. How would you treat a serious health issue? Do you have any health issues now?

96. What do you like about the values of your family? What about mine?

97. Why do you think we’re compatible for each other?

98. Does it count as cheating if you just think it, and not act on it?

99. If there were no societal or family expectations, where would you want to live together and what would we do?

100. Are there any deal breakers I should be aware of?

101. What are your expectations for our family in terms of general lifestyle (fitness, nutrition, drug use, hobbies, career, etc.)?

102. What are your expectations when it comes to making decisions, big and small?

103. What does the perfect marriage look like to you?

104. After marriage, do you plan to open a joint bank account? How will you go about splitting expenses?

105. What’s more important to you, time or money?

Closing thoughts on Premarital Questions 

These 100+ premarital questions are for everyone in every type of relationship. They’re not religious-based and we do our best to remain inclusive.

In a word, they’re important.

Just as you study and prepare for a test, why not put a little bit of effort into preparing for marriage — especially since 40-50% of couples “fail” the test and get divorced?

Who you choose as your spouse is one of the greatest determinants of your health and happiness. And while we do believe in destiny and fate, we also think that taking a few moments for marriage prep and premarital inventory questions can go a long way.

Research shows that 90% of couples agree that there’s value in marriage prep, but only about 30% of couples actually undergo it. Plus, studies show that the handful of US states that incentivize marriage prep have lower rates of divorce.

When we think back to six years and six days ago when we got married, we both agreed that the most helpful part of our marriage prep was discussing premarital questions like these.

Give it a go. Even if you’re already married or if you’re just in a serious relationship, these premarital questions are the ones that will give you a leg up while navigating life together.