How much time do you and your partner spend talking about actual stuff a week? Eight hours? Three hours? Thirty minutes?
According to Dr. Gottman of the relationship research Gottman Institute, most couples only talk meaningfully for ~35 minutes a week. We’ve heard that number as low as 15 minutes a week when you cut out talking logistics (kids, schedule, food, trips, etc.)
That’s 5 minutes a day… or less.
Clearly, it’s critical for couples to connect on a deeper level. These fun but deep questions to ask your spouse will help to improve your marriage.
questions to ask your spouse
Five minutes a day or less? That’s crazy! But is it true?
After learning this statistic, I started taking notes with Ryan. Frankly, it’s not far off: the majority of the time we’re together, we talk about work and our home renovation.
How can we break out of the mold and reconnect on a deeper level? Ryan and I share 50+ conversational questions to ask each other about life and love to bring back the connection.
These questions to ask your spouse are fun and deep, inspiring meaningful conversation. Plus, we tie in the relationship science we’ve learned along the way.
So, the next time you find yourselves talking about work, schedules, and chores a bit too much, make a concerted effort to go down this list of real-life, non-sappy, open-minded questions to ask your spouse.
Each of the questions listed should inspire follow-up questions as well, so get creative.
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50+ Questions to ask Your Spouse
1. What’s an idea for a business that you’ve always dreamed of starting?
Example follow-up question: Is there something holding you back from starting now?
2. What’s a favorite story that you love hearing about your parents or grandparents?
3. What’s something you’ve done that you once thought previously you’d never have the courage to do?
Example follow-up question: Have you done that again since? Was it easier the second time?
4. What’s the best prank you’ve ever pulled?
5. What’s the craziest encounter you’ve ever had with a wild animal?
6. What’s a quote that has always inspired you?
Example follow-up question: What is it about that quote that inspires you?
If you need quote ideas, we curated a list of short and sweet marriage quotes are positive and not pessimistic, meaningful and not sappy, and encouraging, not sarcastic.
Here’s a favorite quote that inspires our marriage:
“Love is like a friendship caught on fire.” — Bruce Lee
7. What’s the wildest thing you’ve seen that you still can’t believe you saw in person?
8. Have you ever had an unwanted creature in your house?
9. What’s the most awe-inspiring moment you’ve ever had in nature?
10. If you wrote a book, what story would you tell?
11. Where was the most incredible sunset or sunrise you’ve ever seen?
12. What’s your favorite camping trip story?
13. What do you consider your greatest athletic accomplishment?
For us, holding all of these couple’s yoga poses takes the cake. Once you answer all these questions to ask your spouse try practicing our 23 favorite poses.
14. What activity have you done that you thought you’d hate, but ended up loving?
15. What’s something that you’ve always wanted to build or create with your own two hands?
16. Have you ever brought together two people who ended up getting married?
17. Have you ever had a pet that destroyed something of yours?
18. Do you have any reoccurring dreams?
19. What annual tradition do you want to start together?
20. Are we on track to be a healthier version of ourselves in five years?
Did you know that there are physical, mental, and emotional benefits of working out with your spouse? It’s a trifecta that you don’t want to ignore.
21. Where is the most unique restaurant that you’ve ever eaten?
22. What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen at a wedding?
23. What has been the biggest project you started but never finished?
24. If you could select anyone from history, who would you have over for dinner?
25. What’s a life lesson that your parents taught you that you appreciate now?
26. What’s something that you can do, or invest in, to improve your marriage this year?
We ask ourselves this question each year when we set our goals for the new year. In 2021, we’ve decided to work on our marriage by doing a quarterly book club together.
You’re off to a good start with these questions to ask your spouse to improve your marriage. For the over-achievers, this one relationship book is the single best tool that should be required in every marriage toolbox.
For more reading ideas, check out the relationship section of our book club page.
27. If you had no fears, what’s something that you would do right now?
28. What are a few things in your life that turned out to be blessings in disguise?
29. What differences and similarities do we have that you love about us?
30. What is something that you want to do together that we’ve never done before?
31. What’s the most unique thing about our relationship that others don’t have?
32. Where do you want to live when we retire?
33. What’s something on your bucket list that we can do this year?
This is a fun questions to ask your spouse. If you don’t have a bucket list yet, it’s time to make one!
These questions to ask your spouse will stimulate creative bucket list ideas, so that’s a great follow-up task. We recommend going old school with pen to paper.
34. What legacy do you want to leave?
35. What’s something you want to achieve before you die?
36. What something that you want to learn this year?
37. What attributes from your mother and father do you see in yourself?
38. What are the top five things you do weekly that you love the most?
39. What was your favorite toy growing up?
40. What three things are you grateful for today?
There’s a lot of science behind practicing gratitude, and it’s a powerful tool for couples. One study conducted with pairs found that those who expressed gratitude for their relationship were happier than those who did not.
Additionally, the couples were also more confident in expressing their concerns about the relationship.
Our favorite way to practice gratitude is with this bedtime journal for two. We’ve been using it since 2017 and we’ve decided that it’s the most valuable and entertaining way to celebrate your relationship before bed each night.
41. What was your favorite family tradition growing up?
42. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?
43. Why did your parents choose your name?
44. If you bought a new boat tomorrow, what would you name it?
45. As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
46. If you lived 300 years ago, what job do you think you would have had?
47. What was the first meal you ever cooked by yourself?
48. What was the most special, unexpected gift that you ever received?
We love gifting board games. A study out of Baylor University found that couples who played board games together released more oxytocin.
Open the below in a new tab to browse our favorite (and award-winning) board games for couples.
49. What has consistently been a compliment that you’ve received multiple times throughout your life?
50. What was the first book that you ever read by yourself?
51. What was your favorite childhood book?
52. Where have you volunteered before? And what volunteer work would you like to continue doing?
53. When did you find out about Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter bunny? When would you want to tell your future kids?
54. What’s the best life advice you’ve ever received?
55. In your opinion, are we spending our money on the things we should be?
56. What was your favorite childhood movie?
57. Are we on track to still be in love in 10, 15, 20 years?
Speaking of movies and still being in love for decades to come, did you know that there are good movies for couples that can cut your chances of divorce in half?
A University of Rochester psychology professor, Dr. Ronald Rogge, found that some movies can be just as effective as marriage therapy.
We share the science and the watch list in the below article. Now that you finished these questions to ask your spouse it’s time to schedule a marriage therapy movie night!
Do You Have Questions?
The list doesn’t have to end here. If you have a fun and deep question to ask your spouse please share it in the comments.
Check out our “would you rather” questions for couples to spark more meaningful conversation.
These question games make for a great at-home date activity.
For more at-home date night ideas check out our downloadable date night idea “Menu.” Just roll the dice and get ready for an epic and memorable date night in!
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Hey we're Ryan and Alex
The creators of Ryan and Alex Duo Life. We are a husband-wife duo and “lifestyle engineers.”
After eight years working in the corporate world as engineers, we left our high-powered jobs to tackle our true passion — helping couples engineer their best lives.
The synergy of our engineering minds and ten years of health coaching experience produced Ryan and Alex Duo Life. Our mission is to help you transform your bodies, minds, and relationship as a couple.
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